Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
