i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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