Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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