Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
