: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.