i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
