okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm just crazy horny about you
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize