just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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