I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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