I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
