So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
