hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
