he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now