i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed