Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
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Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
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We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n