you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
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I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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