Need sex. Gaining weight.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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