The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
