party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
