Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize