I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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