I skipped work to stalk him.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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