Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
