i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize