I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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