Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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