You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
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The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
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The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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