Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
