So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
