I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
