He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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