I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
