Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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