it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
