Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
