im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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