This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
