I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
