Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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