i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize