Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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