Did you just see the Batmobile???
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.