Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.