So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.