Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
