i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
our cab driver is having phone sex.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
