What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
