You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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