i can't believe i had my finger in that
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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