Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Im part way to drunk.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
