Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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