There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
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Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
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I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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