And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
