dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize